Going through that moment when missing that person you love is ever present, but realizing that it's a lost cause.
I can't go back there.
Not again.
My heart wishes all things were restored, but my reality tells me that "restore" is not even the right word for it.
How can you restore something that was by far incomplete to begin with?
Without YESHUA in the center of our home, on his part... it was like walking on eggshells. The misery lived during the last several months was simply unbearable and I as much as my heart feels, need to forget there is even an email address, and simply close this chapter for good.
Silence speaks a thousand words, and when a person gives you silence it's only because he is playing the "control" card. The "let me see how much you suffer" card.
Stupid me for even sharing my heart.
No. It's wrong.
It just is.
My life is falling into place once again, and I keep seeing G-d's blessings left and right and to go back to that... uff...would be to throw all my new blessings away.
How can someone who is perpetually unhappy and bitter make me and my kids happy?
That's a lot of baggage my kids and I were not meant to carry because it was not ours to begin with.
He needs to sort his life.
In love I forgive him. I really do.
My kids do too.
I however, must set a high standard for my children and walk away from this man for good.
A new future awaits that doesn't necessarily involve being in a relationship, but like a really good friend told me a few weeks ago... "One must never say never, because G-d's will can surprise us when we least expect it."
I, of course, dismissed those words because I am far from even considering such a thing, but then again... G-d has indeed surprised me more than once in my life with that which I expected the least, so we'll see.
Right now I bid you all goodnight. I haven't been feeling well. There's a bug going around and now that it's done with my kids, it has officially found me. My right ear is aching like crazy.
It's been a busy day and another busy day awaits tomorrow.
That's a good thing, but only if I start feeling better tomorrow.
Lailah Tov
Tuesday, November 13, 2012
Monday, November 12, 2012
This Calls for Wisdom
I will make this simple for those of you who preached this to me when I was a child, and now have CHOSEN to forget or disregard out of pride or perhaps fear for losing what you THINK that you need.
Allow me to remind you that GOD Himself is our PROVIDER, especially during the harsh days to come.
What the Bible said would happen:
He also forced everyone, small and great, rich and poor, free and slave, to receive a mark on his right hand or on his forehead, so that no one could buy or sell unless he had the mark, which is the name of the beast or the number of his name.
Allow me to remind you that GOD Himself is our PROVIDER, especially during the harsh days to come.
What the Bible said would happen:
He also forced everyone, small and great, rich and poor, free and slave, to receive a mark on his right hand or on his forehead, so that no one could buy or sell unless he had the mark, which is the name of the beast or the number of his name.
This calls for wisdom. If anyone has insight, let him calculate the number of the beast, for it is man's number. His number is 666.
Revelation 13:16 to 18
A third angel followed them and said in a loud voice: "If anyone worships the beast and his image and receives his mark on the forehead or on the hand, he, too, will drink of the wine of God's fury, which has been poured full strength into the cup of his wrath. He will be tormented with burning sulfur in the presence of the holy angels and of the Lamb. And the smoke of their torment rises for ever and ever. There is no rest day or night for those who worship the beast and his image, or for anyone who receives the mark of his name."
Revelation 14:9 to 11
This calls for patient endurance on the part of the saints who obey God's commandments and remain faithful to Jesus.
Revelation 14:12
WHAT IS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW:
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
Just a Couple of Facts
So elections are over and Barack Obama has won again.
What I really want to say is that ignorance has won.
When people only watch what the media feeds them and disregard hard facts, they tend to vote for what they think they need... and for what they "think" they're going to get.
People even think that they voted for the president when in fact they really didn't.
FACT 1 : The vast majority of people DO NOT choose the President; the electoral college does. Even if the President won the popular vote by a HAIR this time around, one has to wonder about all those absentee ballots that are still out there and will take at least ten days to process. This system is antiquated and needs to be changed!
FACT 2 : People who are uninsured THINK that they will get free healthcare. Nope. They still have to pay for it and it's not going to be what they expect.
You see, doctors are not all rich snobs who choose to become doctors to get rich. Most had parents who worked hard to put them through college, and most work their way through college to pay for their education. Most are still paying their student loans and ALL of them have to cover overhead costs such as
STAFF : nurses, front desk clerks, insurance clerks, maintenance etc.
BASIC EXPENSES: office rental, electricity, water use, equipment, materials, in office medications, oxygen etc.
OTHER COSTS: Taxes, Insurance, etc.
So when government insurances do not pay the doctor for the services they render to these patients, and the doctors realize that they are literally going bankrupt because of this, they stop taking patients who depend on government insurance.
Two years ago I lived this horror with my daughter. She suffers from really bad hemorrhagic cysts (and tumors) in her ovaries and she needed to be hospitalized right away for a terrible pain. The doctor who tended to her (Dr. Snook, from an OBGYN office in Orlando) dismissed her case at the hospital and literally sent us home without treating Claudia.
After putting my foot down and requesting a second opinion, an internist who had nothing to do with GYN issues decided to do an exploratory surgery. As it turns out, Claudia's tumor was the size of a grapefruit and it had caused a torsion to one of her fallopian tubes causing the stop of blood flow to one of her ovaries. Not only that, but she would have bled to death had it bursted.
It was so serious that they thought that my daughter, who at the time was only 11, would need one of her ovaries removed.
I was simply confused. How could a specialist know less than the hospital internist? Dr. Snook was forced to perform the surgery alongside this other doctor, but when it came time to do a follow up in her office, Dr. Snook made it very clear that it would just be a COURTESY visit because she did not accept medicaid patients.
That's when the light bulb went on and I realized that the reason she was sending Claudia home the first time around as sick as she was, was simply because she knew that Claudia was on emergency medicaid. I was in between teaching jobs and uninsured.
I was furious!
With Obamacare, medical offices will be over saturated with patients that the government cannot really afford. Doctors will be forced to no longer accept former patients in order to keep their overhead costs and the quality of healthcare for those with private insurance. Doctors who decide to take Obamacare patients will not provide the quality of healthcare that is needed and going to extremes here.. in a few years we might see what we see in socialist countries. We might see a nurse performing an appendectomy. We might see old people dying sooner because of the lack of good medical care.
My daughter was only 11 when she went through this.
I can only imagine what will happen to people like my parents.
A friend of a friend posted this on Facebook, "I didn't think that Mitt Romney was the hero who would save us all, but I thought he might slow the bleeding..."
That is exactly how I feel.
People I love voted wrong because they thought they would be voting for a liar if they voted for Mitt Romney.
Well... I have never known a President in my 41 years who didn't lie during a campaign, including this one.
Here. Educate yourselves.
Now on to FACT 3:
Now that we know for sure that this country will decline faster than we expected... it's time to prepare spiritually.
Revival is coming to the land.
It's coming and we have known that it was coming since we were kids and heard about it during evangelical campaigns and even during those times when G-d spoke to us directly to tell us that we were called for something important.
Well... this is it.
Our job now is set before us to be light in the midst of darkness.
To be strong in faith and to not let ANYONE deviate or lure us away from what we know is right.
Let's preach Yeshua with all of our hearts!
Let us NEVER deny His Name in exchange for ANYTHING.
NEVER.
I just lost my husband to standing firm.
I might get my head cut off for it too.
We were called to serve Him and to not waiver.
Lately I have been seeing loved ones waiver left and right.
They are afraid of losing "benefits" ... and I just know that this is one easy way for Satan to corner them and give them no choice of thought. Many will deny the truth of Yeshua out of fear.
Let's stay strong for we serve a HOLY G-d.
What I really want to say is that ignorance has won.
When people only watch what the media feeds them and disregard hard facts, they tend to vote for what they think they need... and for what they "think" they're going to get.
People even think that they voted for the president when in fact they really didn't.
FACT 1 : The vast majority of people DO NOT choose the President; the electoral college does. Even if the President won the popular vote by a HAIR this time around, one has to wonder about all those absentee ballots that are still out there and will take at least ten days to process. This system is antiquated and needs to be changed!
FACT 2 : People who are uninsured THINK that they will get free healthcare. Nope. They still have to pay for it and it's not going to be what they expect.
You see, doctors are not all rich snobs who choose to become doctors to get rich. Most had parents who worked hard to put them through college, and most work their way through college to pay for their education. Most are still paying their student loans and ALL of them have to cover overhead costs such as
STAFF : nurses, front desk clerks, insurance clerks, maintenance etc.
BASIC EXPENSES: office rental, electricity, water use, equipment, materials, in office medications, oxygen etc.
OTHER COSTS: Taxes, Insurance, etc.
So when government insurances do not pay the doctor for the services they render to these patients, and the doctors realize that they are literally going bankrupt because of this, they stop taking patients who depend on government insurance.
Two years ago I lived this horror with my daughter. She suffers from really bad hemorrhagic cysts (and tumors) in her ovaries and she needed to be hospitalized right away for a terrible pain. The doctor who tended to her (Dr. Snook, from an OBGYN office in Orlando) dismissed her case at the hospital and literally sent us home without treating Claudia.
After putting my foot down and requesting a second opinion, an internist who had nothing to do with GYN issues decided to do an exploratory surgery. As it turns out, Claudia's tumor was the size of a grapefruit and it had caused a torsion to one of her fallopian tubes causing the stop of blood flow to one of her ovaries. Not only that, but she would have bled to death had it bursted.
It was so serious that they thought that my daughter, who at the time was only 11, would need one of her ovaries removed.
I was simply confused. How could a specialist know less than the hospital internist? Dr. Snook was forced to perform the surgery alongside this other doctor, but when it came time to do a follow up in her office, Dr. Snook made it very clear that it would just be a COURTESY visit because she did not accept medicaid patients.
That's when the light bulb went on and I realized that the reason she was sending Claudia home the first time around as sick as she was, was simply because she knew that Claudia was on emergency medicaid. I was in between teaching jobs and uninsured.
I was furious!
With Obamacare, medical offices will be over saturated with patients that the government cannot really afford. Doctors will be forced to no longer accept former patients in order to keep their overhead costs and the quality of healthcare for those with private insurance. Doctors who decide to take Obamacare patients will not provide the quality of healthcare that is needed and going to extremes here.. in a few years we might see what we see in socialist countries. We might see a nurse performing an appendectomy. We might see old people dying sooner because of the lack of good medical care.
My daughter was only 11 when she went through this.
I can only imagine what will happen to people like my parents.
A friend of a friend posted this on Facebook, "I didn't think that Mitt Romney was the hero who would save us all, but I thought he might slow the bleeding..."
That is exactly how I feel.
People I love voted wrong because they thought they would be voting for a liar if they voted for Mitt Romney.
Well... I have never known a President in my 41 years who didn't lie during a campaign, including this one.
Here. Educate yourselves.
Now on to FACT 3:
Now that we know for sure that this country will decline faster than we expected... it's time to prepare spiritually.
Revival is coming to the land.
It's coming and we have known that it was coming since we were kids and heard about it during evangelical campaigns and even during those times when G-d spoke to us directly to tell us that we were called for something important.
Well... this is it.
Our job now is set before us to be light in the midst of darkness.
To be strong in faith and to not let ANYONE deviate or lure us away from what we know is right.
Let's preach Yeshua with all of our hearts!
Let us NEVER deny His Name in exchange for ANYTHING.
NEVER.
I just lost my husband to standing firm.
I might get my head cut off for it too.
We were called to serve Him and to not waiver.
Lately I have been seeing loved ones waiver left and right.
They are afraid of losing "benefits" ... and I just know that this is one easy way for Satan to corner them and give them no choice of thought. Many will deny the truth of Yeshua out of fear.
Let's stay strong for we serve a HOLY G-d.
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