Going through that moment when missing that person you love is ever present, but realizing that it's a lost cause.
I can't go back there.
Not again.
My heart wishes all things were restored, but my reality tells me that "restore" is not even the right word for it.
How can you restore something that was by far incomplete to begin with?
Without YESHUA in the center of our home, on his part... it was like walking on eggshells. The misery lived during the last several months was simply unbearable and I as much as my heart feels, need to forget there is even an email address, and simply close this chapter for good.
Silence speaks a thousand words, and when a person gives you silence it's only because he is playing the "control" card. The "let me see how much you suffer" card.
Stupid me for even sharing my heart.
No. It's wrong.
It just is.
My life is falling into place once again, and I keep seeing G-d's blessings left and right and to go back to that... uff...would be to throw all my new blessings away.
How can someone who is perpetually unhappy and bitter make me and my kids happy?
That's a lot of baggage my kids and I were not meant to carry because it was not ours to begin with.
He needs to sort his life.
In love I forgive him. I really do.
My kids do too.
I however, must set a high standard for my children and walk away from this man for good.
A new future awaits that doesn't necessarily involve being in a relationship, but like a really good friend told me a few weeks ago... "One must never say never, because G-d's will can surprise us when we least expect it."
I, of course, dismissed those words because I am far from even considering such a thing, but then again... G-d has indeed surprised me more than once in my life with that which I expected the least, so we'll see.
Right now I bid you all goodnight. I haven't been feeling well. There's a bug going around and now that it's done with my kids, it has officially found me. My right ear is aching like crazy.
It's been a busy day and another busy day awaits tomorrow.
That's a good thing, but only if I start feeling better tomorrow.
Lailah Tov
