Yom Kippur is over.
The Potter... the clay... a fresh start.
We prayed and listened to G-d's Word all day. I had moments of introspection that served me well, and after all that, was simply drained.
Peaceful, but drained.
I sincerely felt as though I had fought the biggest spiritual battle of my life. Fasting is not just for forgiveness of sins, but also for spiritual war, and this one was incredibly immense.
Here is what I think with all of my heart.
Yom Kippur is a high holiday, but it frankly means nothing to G-d if it is simply something that one does as a yearly ritual. (I do understand that the High Holy Days mark the seasons... and that is important, but I am talking about the deeper meaning of repentance)
Atonement.
Aren't we supposed to ask for atonement EVERY SINGLE day of the year?
As I read the first chapter in Isaiah, I was surprised to find out that G-d himself made it very clear to His people that the ordained holidays meant nothing to Him if they were not meant from the heart.
Isaiah 1 verses 14 through 20 read:
11 "The multitude of your sacrifices—
what are they to me?" says the LORD.
"I have more than enough of burnt offerings,
of rams and the fat of fattened animals;
I have no pleasure
in the blood of bulls and lambs and goats.
12 When you come to appear before me,
who has asked this of you,
this trampling of my courts?
13 Stop bringing meaningless offerings!
Your incense is detestable to me.
New Moons, Sabbaths and convocations—
I cannot bear your evil assemblies.
14 Your New Moon festivals and your appointed feasts
my soul hates.
They have become a burden to me;
I am weary of bearing them.
15 When you spread out your hands in prayer,
I will hide my eyes from you;
even if you offer many prayers,
I will not listen.
Your hands are full of blood;
16 wash and make yourselves clean.
Take your evil deeds
out of my sight!
Stop doing wrong,
17 learn to do right!
Seek justice,
encourage the oppressed. [a]
Defend the cause of the fatherless,
plead the case of the widow.
18 "Come now, let us reason together,"
says the LORD.
"Though your sins are like scarlet,
they shall be as white as snow;
though they are red as crimson,
they shall be like wool.
19 If you are willing and obedient,
you will eat the best from the land;
20 but if you resist and rebel,
you will be devoured by the sword."
For the mouth of the LORD has spoken.
What difference does it make if we go on doing whatever we want the very next day?
He wants us to STOP doing wrong. He wants us to be WILLING and OBEDIENT.
We are dumb if we think as Jews that we can get away with sin just because we make atonement once a year... or as Messianic Jews because Yeshua made atonement for us.
True, He has cleansed us. Yet, here is the thing...
Let me share my heart, and I just KNOW that I am going to get soooo incredibly grilled for what I am about to say, but it's true because I have been there and done it myself.
Being a Jew can be a huge burden at times. Having to follow certain rituals makes me wonder if we REALLY get it, or if this is just something that we do because we are simply Jews.
Can I please be more honest?
Do you all want to know when I finally understood this?
This year.
Does that surprise any of you out there?
Please don't be shocked.
I recall walking into synagogue with my children in years past and praying with everyone else there... Messianics, of course. Praying for forgiveness. Praying for Israel. Praying and praying and praying...
This year I did not attend synagogue.
This year I stayed home with my kids.
We all fasted and prayed and cried... and then I realized right in the middle of it that Yeshua's blood had already cleansed me and that it did so EVERY SINGLE DAY... so why the huge fuss over it ONCE a year?
You see now why you are all going to grill me for this?
The more I prayed and cried before the presence of G-d, the more I understood Yeshua's struggle to let people know that religion is NO LONGER required, but that the simple acceptance of HIS sacrifice for us suffices.
YES, we observe the day out of obedience to HaShem, but do we REALLY observe His commandments? Do we really repent? Do we really make it a point to start brand new, or do we go back to the same old stuff a few minutes after we end our fast?
My heart has known for years that with our L-rd it is not about a religion but about a relationship.
This year, however, G-d made it crystal clear that the High Holy Days as we call them mean absolutely nothing if they are simply a once a year guilt trip.
Keeping our salvation is EVERY DAY work.
Every day that we struggle with sin we either wash ourselves with the blood of Yeshua as we repent, or we grab the mallet and nail Him back on the cross with our actions.
I wanted to be sincere.
I wanted to mean it.
No more guilt trips.
HaShem wants true repentance, and I sure had no choice but to realize that this is more serious than it looks.
We are running out of time here.
We seriously are.
My son is eight years old, but he took to that floor and did not lift up his head until he cried all he had to cry before the L-rd. As much as I wanted to pick him up and hold him, I knew that I had to leave Him alone.
He is just a child, but his spirit, his heart and his mind understood true repentance at his level.
Nobody else was there.
Just us three, worshipping our King.
When we can get THISCLOSE to Him... in such intimacy, then He opens our hearts to a better understanding of what we are doing and why we are supposed to do it.
It took me this long, but now I get it.
Next Yom Kippur I hope to be with Him... but if I am not, then I hope to be THISCLOSE to His heart and for Him to be THISCLOSE to my heart once more.
That simple.
