Not too long ago, someone whose pride took a punch when I spoke my heart out told me that I was very condemning.
Well... to tell you the truth I'm not sure what's worse. If stating the facts or playing dumb to subtle games that people play to get reactions. That and all the lying just got on my nerves. After several years, I kinda got tired of it. My intentions were not to hurt his feelings, but the truth is that I had grown tired of playing dumb.
At times I think that church leaders play those subtle games too. They flirt and tease with secular things to get the youth's attention, or even to get favors from people they can benefit from in the church. While church members might have a gut feeling that something is not quite right, they choose to play dumb to the facts because deep down they still hope that it's not true. Deep down they still think that there's a good excuse and that all is good.
When you've been hurt that way enough times, you recognize it when you see it.
The question is... what do you do?
I've been hurt that way enough times myself and I have learned to react in a very specific way.
I keep a safe distance or slowly but surely walk away. I play invisible.
Why?
Well...because I'm not a joke. I'm a human being.
It hurts to realize that people you hold in high esteem are simply "messing" with you.
As G-d deals with that aspect of my life, I've been learning to face my giants and not hide from them.
Not easy. Not easy at all.
Yet I can safely say that my days of being a people pleaser are pretty much over.
My love language is giving.
That is how I communicate love to others, and that's quite different, but it took me quite a while to understand this. When you are a people pleaser you become vulnerable to being taken advantage of.
You DON'T have to agree with everything.
You DON't have to say "yes" all the time.
It's ok to find your voice once in a while.
Fruits people.
Fruits of the Spirit.
That's what you need to look for in your leaders and even in the friends you long to open your heart to.
Not their titles. Not their name. Not their ability to smooth talk you into something. Not even their apparent intellect.
Seriously...
G-d never chooses those who think of themselves as "qualified".
He, however, somehow qualifies those He chooses.
Love - "And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him" (1 John 4:16). Through Jesus Christ, our greatest goal is to do all things in love. "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails" (1 Corinthians 13:4-8).
Joy - "The joy of the Lord is your strength" (Nehemiah 8:10). "Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God" (Hebrews 12:2).
Peace - "Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ" (Romans 5:1). "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit" (Romans 15:13).
Longsuffering (patience) -- We are "strengthened with all might, according to his glorious power, unto all patience and longsuffering with joyfulness" (Colossians 1:11). "With all lowliness and meekness, with longsuffering, forbearing one another in love" (Ephesians 4:2).
Gentleness (kindness) -- We should live "in purity, understanding, patience and kindness; in the Holy Spirit and in sincere love; in truthful speech and in the power of God; with weapons of righteousness in the right hand and in the left" (2 Corinthians 6:6-7).
Goodness - "Wherefore also we pray always for you, that our God would count you worthy of this calling, and fulfill all the good pleasure of his goodness, and the work of faith with power" (2 Thessalonians 1:11). "For the fruit of the Spirit is in all goodness and righteousness and truth" (Ephesians 5:9).
Faith (faithfulness) - "O Lord, thou art my God; I will exalt thee, I will praise thy name; for thou hast done wonderful things; thy counsels of old are faithfulness and truth" (Isaiah 25:1). "I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith" (Ephesians 3:16-17).
Meekness - "Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted" (Galatians 6:1). "With all lowliness and meekness, with longsuffering, forbearing one another in love" (Ephesians 4:2).
Temperance (self-control) - "But also for this very reason, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue, to virtue knowledge, to knowledge self-control, to self-control perseverance, to perseverance godliness, to godliness brotherly kindness, and to brotherly kindness love" (2 Peter 1:5-7).
