I was thinking of starting a new journal. One without the old pictures in it.
Then I thought... no. I'll continue my life on this one because for a year there I did not blog. Everything in my life stopped. It's as if I had ceased to exist so that a new thing would emerge... and that sort of did not happen either.
Happiness was there, but the entire package... the one that usually follows G-d's perfect will, wasn't there. I did my own will and did not wait for whatever else G-d might have had in mind.
I think that what He had in mind was for me to remain alone, all along.
I had waited more than ten years to open my heart to someone but things did not work out.
We were simply not believing the same.
We did not speak the same language when it came to G-d.
I know where my faith stands and it is in Yeshua HaMaschiach.
My soon to be ex husband does not believe like me.
So with a heavy heart I have to walk away from it all... not that I walked away first. He did.
When I say "walk away" it simply means to let it go.
Tonight is especially hard.
Before I started writing on here again I ended up reading my past on these same pages.
It hurt.
Yeah.
As I went "back in time" though, I realized how happy I truly was before all this. How truly happy and in love with my Savior I was more than a year ago.
Then I saw it.
I took a wrong turn somewhere.
Didn't wait.
I'm back again, you know... except that now I'm hurt and my kids are hurt so fixing is desperately needed.
We've come back shattered and although each day gets better, I would've done anything to keep my kids from the tears that followed this very sad ending.
Time to start over.
From scratch.
A new beginning.
Yeah.
It can be done in Yeshua's mighty name.
Amen
