Two nights ago, after leaving work I knew something was up.
My left leg started burning and my chest was hurting, and of course this is the classic beginning of a hypokalemic paralysis flare.
With a heavy heart I drove myself to the hospital, knowing that if it was a bad flare I would have to be admitted into the ICU once more. Very depressing.
After being in the ER for a couple of hours and having blood work done I finally caught a glimpse of my nurse coming over with the dreaded silver looking IV packs.
Intravenous potassium HURTS like there is no tomorrow. It burns at first, but then it hurts, so with this in mind they handed me a Darvocet, got the pump started and wished me luck.
After several hours of that, the doctor was still not happy with the labs and the ECG (echo cardiogram), so he admitted me.
Ugh.
Hospital rooms are so depressing, yet they are perfect for having long conversations with G-d and serious spiritual growth time. So, with no time to waste, I got to work by summoning G-d to a personal intimate meeting (at like 4 a.m.) so that we could discuss once more, the whole vitamin K, B-12, potassium deficiency that has haunted me for a great part of my life.
After a while of that I got hungry but couldn't eat because I was going in for the infamous "stress test". So I did my thing on the treadmill, the doc took pictures of my agitated heart, and I went back to find a delicious breakfast waiting for me with... yeah, you guessed right! Mrs. Dash.
I know that I need to get my act together with my salt intake, but sprinkling Mrs. Dash over my omelet was the last thing I wanted to do. That stuff looks and tastes like sand dirt granules.
Well, I am back home. Didn't slip into a dreaded paralysis this time, thank YOU G-d! My heart didn't stop. THANK G-d!
So I am taking advantage of my LIFE and I am going out with my kids.
It's a beautiful day.
The truth is that each time I go into the hospital with a distressed heart, thanks to low potassium, I never know if I'll make it out or not.
That's just something chronic hypokalemics have to live with. If my potassium drops suddenly or decreases significantly, my heart could stop and that would be it.
I'd be gone... that fast.
Here is what hypokalemia is and does:
However, my beautiful and amazing G-d has sustained me so far and I have faith that one day I'll be completely healed.
In the meantime I work for Him.
I live for Him... and if the time comes, even if I don't like to think about it, then I'm willing to die for Him too.
I love YOU my L-rd.
You are my EVERYTHING.
Here is a video of a doctor who recorded himself while having a paralysis attack. I don't ever want to record myself having one, but althought this seems a bit funny, this stuff is not funny at all.
I walk funny too most of the time and people stare... but it's ok. I just continue with my life singing that song in my head, the one from West Side Story!
"I feel pretty... oh soooo pretty....la la la" Ha ha haha!
I'll share a secret, though. When it does get to be a bit too much, I hide.
I hide and don't go out to places to take a break from all of that, and then after I gather a bit of courage I am out and about again.
Working behind a desk makes it easy for me. Standing still in one spot keeps me kind of safe. The people I get to check into the resort have no idea that I have a problem. I am sure that my bosses suspect, and they know that I have been in and out of hospitals, but I don't think that they have any idea of what I really have to go through on a daily basis.
Every day I have to thank G-d that my heart did not stop in my sleep.
Every day I thank G-d that I get to see my kids.
They know.
I have talked to them about it often enough.
Why can't there be a transplant of some sort for people like us?
Why can't there be a cure?
I'm sure that cancer patients wonder too.
It's not easy.
I'm just fortunate to have lived life this far and I am blessed to have children who have made my life so special, and I theirs. Every minute and second of every day is a breath of fresh air. A new beginning. A new EVERYTHING!
I love G-d.
I love my kids.
I love my life. Limping and thumping and paralyzed or not, I seriously love what G-d gives me every day what others tend to take for granted.
I can't have a love life. That's a fact.
That is perhaps (and I admit it) the one MAIN truth behind my desire to remain single, and then of course, the other reasonings behind it that have nothing to do with my condition.
But, there is one good thing about all this.
I have good caring friends who are not embarrassed to hang out with someone like me, and...
they have me as a friend and that is great because I AM AN AWESOME friend!
It's a gift and I use it to the fullest. I love caring for others and nothing will ever take that away from my heart. It's my legacy. It's the example that I want to leave to my children because I want them to be caring towards others too.
I know that often times being a giving person hurts because not everyone appreciates what you do.
Then again, when you give, not expecting to receive is when you have actually learned what true giving is really about.
Yeshua was not hypokalemic, but He sure knew all about feeling lonely sometimes and was the most giving person ever! He gave His life for us!
All I want is to be like my L-rd.
It really helps to know that He understands me and knows what it's like. He KNOWS.
The prognosis for hypokalemics is not that bad as long as treatment is received on time. The problem with potassium lows is that it can happen in your sleep, or suddenly and the heart has a mind of its own. It can just say, "Whoah... not enough potassium. Let me take a break" and stop.
So it's a banana every time I eat, orange juice three times a day, broccoli and well... Beano or Gas X so that I don't end up floating into outer space.
